Studying Child Development in undergraduate school, I certainly know of the child’s basic, developmental need to grow beyond the “self” and begin to understand, identify and appreciate similarities between individuals. This is a fundamental skill necessary for a child to grow and develop in a healthy way both emotionally and socially. These goals must continue to be taught and nurtured always.

Yet, I can see that one potential problem in teaching children to “celebrate similarities” is that it is often measured by some “norm” or “yardstick” – she walks like us, he looks like me, she plays the same game that I do, he is the same color as me. What happens is that children often learn that similar equals good. Dissimilar, then, equals different, the other, not as good or “right”, less then.

Perhaps we need to take a look at giving at least as much attention to consciously celebrating diversity and putting value on it rather than explicitly or implicitly stressing similarities. Diversity is good. Diversity is needed. Diversity adds value to the world. The “other” is good. The “other” is needed. The “other” adds value to the world. The “other” is also part of our reality. We must acknowledge, respect and appreciate the fact that humanity is diverse and richer because of this diversity.

The authentic development of each and every child and the mutual respect for all children is at stake.

In our parenting programs, we must stress: Each and every child is unique and that this uniqueness should be treasured regardless of perceived ability. One can find strengths in each and every child regardless of similarities or differences.

The biggest determinant of a family’s success is it’s attitude.

High income and strong self-esteem are powerful assets. But outlook is even more important. In other words, parents with good attitude but a severely-disabled child often handle the situation better than a household with only a mildly-afflicted child but a less positive frame of mind.

Each family has its unique timetable.

Don’t worry too much about how other similarly-burdened families are coping. More important, try to make your special-needs child become truly part of the family rather than have his or her disability overshadow it.

You can’t “fix” your child.

Instead, your goal should be to find and accept the child’s inner worth and relax your efforts to perfect him or her.

No one is to blame.

Thought you doubtlessly will go through a period of faulting yourself, your spouse, God, modern medicine, or other scapegoats, eventually you’ve just got to accept the fact that life’s road is rutted with potholes. Sometimes we miss them, sometimes we don’t. You didn’t miss this one . But you can go on.

You find emotional health when you balance your needs–and those of other family members–with those of your special-needs child.

Give him or her all you reasonably can. But save some time, some hugs, and some fun for yourself and the others. You’ll learn when enough is enough and why it’s necessary to not just treat the child but the whole family.

Take advantage of the many excellent sources of help.

There are terrific parent-support groups, sensitive therapists, and a raft of commendable private and public programs that can lighten your load. At first you may feel compelled to grieve alone. But, in time, reach out. Ask around. Find out what’s worked for whom, then follow up. You’ll be glad you did.

What will inclusion look like in 2010?

Here are the Census statistics from 2002. I thought I would share the information regarding the disability status of children with disabilities in order to compare with the upcoming 2010 statistics.

It is going to be interesting to see what changes have occurred. What will inclusion look like in 2010?

Some of the national statistics on the prevalence of children with disabilities: 3.6% of children 3-5 years old have a disability and 10.9% of children 6-14 have a disability.  The statistics were taken from the U.S. Census website (www.census.gov) and more specifically from Table 7. Disability Status of Children Under 15 years old of the 2002 Americans with Disabilities Report.

Out of 11,601,000 children age 3-5, 417,000 or 3.6% have a disability.  Out of 37,161,000 children age 6-14, 4,032,000 or 10.9% have a disability.

In the general population, about 1 in 100 people will have a severe disability, like cerebral palsy, down syndrome, or autism.

About 1 in 10 will have a mild to moderate disability that will require some kind of accommodation to participate successfully in group activities.  These disabilities may include learning disabilities like dyslexia or ADHD or social/emotional disabilities like bipolar disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder.  Most children, regardless of whether they have a diagnosed disability, will likely require some type of accommodation at one time or another to participate in a group setting.

Many providers are concerned that embracing inclusion will lead to a substantial increase of children with disabilities in their programs.  However, in a group of 20 children only a couple will have disabilities in a setting that reflects natural ratios.  For example, in a camp of 100 children, there may be one or two children with a significant disability and 10 with a mild to moderate disability.

A wise pediatrician needs to be sensitive to the entire family’s experience so that he can refer the family to the appropriate resources. Sometimes, it is more valuable for a physical therapist to sit and listen to a parent talk, then to work exclusively with the child. All to often, professionals stay within their own speciality and feel the little responsibility to do more. It is enough that the parents who already feel so alone with their problems have no professionals in their corner to take the lead in guiding them. When pediatricians, therapists and teachers do symbolically walk hand in hand with parents and are thoughtful of their needs, there is a sense of true support and success in treating the child with a disability. When families are from varying cultures, and different from the professional working with them, it is expedient for the professional to make a real effort to understand parental attitudes and cultural differences, so they may communicate and collaborate effectively. The opportunity is there for both professionals and parents to create and develop wonderful goals for child with the disability. It requires a real commitment on the part of the professional to suspend his or her agenda until the parent is involved in establishing goals that are realistic for both parent and child.

Although some professionals feel that there is not enough time to concentrate on family needs, they are unaware that by including the families in the process, they are empowering a family to become experts in their own realm and within the larger system. This ensures a time saving mechanism which allows the professional to be more productive. Parents act as their own advocates and support other parents to grow and develop. It is no longer appropriate to see parents as ill-equipped or dysfunctional in parenting their children with disabilities. The circle is complete when parents are invited to participate in their children’s future. All the need is to be heard and respected for their opinions. It is the professional who provides the service. It is the parent who makes it work.

I am departing from my usual blog to share some great summer camp programs with you.

Below is a list of a few National Programs for you child with special needs. Please note there are also inclusion camps listed which include children with and without special needs.

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Surfer’s Healing-Seeks to enrich the lives of children with autism and the lives of their families by exposing them to the unique experience of surfing.

For more info: http://www.surfershealing.org/index.html

Wonderland Camp-Summer Camp for special needs individuals of all ages.

Wonderland Camp has the 1^st wheelchair accessible treehouse!

Other activities include: boating, fishing, arts and crafts, carnivals and more.

Upcoming Camps: http://www.wonderlandcamp.org/camp-schedule.htm

For more info: http://www.wonderlandcamp.org

Blue Compass Camps-Camps for Asperger’s, Autism and ADHD

For more Info: http://www.bluecompasscamps.com/camp-programs

Family Village- Special Needs Camps for all disabilities

For more info: http://www.familyvillage.wisc.edu/Leisure/camps.html

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Kids Included Together Affiliated Inclusion Programs:

“ARTS”-A Reason to Survive-Transforming kids lives through free arts program.

Dedicated to healing, inspiring and empowering children facing life challenges.

For more info: http://www.artsurvive.org/index.php

Mission Bay Aquatic Center- Mission Bay Aquatic Center is the world’s largest instructional waterfront  facility. Kayaking, wakeboarding, sailing, surfing and more

http://www.mbaquaticcenter.com/

YMCA of Montclair

Info on Summer Camps

http://www.montclairymca.org/Camp/index.html

YMCA of Raleigh, NC

Info on Summer Camps

http://www.ymcatriangle.org/Resident_Camps.aspx

When my daughter was born, my son was 11 years old. He came to the hospital the day we were going home and as babies do, she began to cry. Having sensory issues, this sound was very painful to him. As we walked past the nurses’ station, he walked over to the nurses and told them, ”I do not want any more babies.” Every once in awhile when she would have a crying fit he would look at me and say, “ I am not sure we made the right decision.”

After many years of physical therapy, occupational therapy, vision therapy,

neurofeedback, vitamin therapy, gamma globulin treatments, special diets, recreational therapy, sensory integration therapy, art therapy, frequent trips to the emergency room, driving from doctor to doctor, visiting every kind of specialist imaginable, spending immense amounts of money , sleepless nights worrying about when, and what ???

I wish I could have had a small amount of that time back, so I could just sit back and watch him enjoy life, just doing what ever he is doing, as he does everyday.

I use to look at him when he was little and wonder when he gets older, will he go to college or get married?? Now I look at him and wonder how did he become such an amazing person?When he is talking to me, and when we are interrupted, he will stop, even if it is mid-sentence. Then when I am finished with the interruption, even if it has been 10 minutes he starts talking exactly where he left off, like if he has a pause button and the play button had just been hit.

He loves rules and believes in sharing his rules with everyone. When he was little my sister and I decided to make him a shirt that said “so many rules so little time.”

If I could tell a Mom with a child newly diagnosed with autism, I would tell them not to let anyone speak about their child as if they were a list of deficits. Look at their child, discover their uniqueness and help them nurture and grow their gifts.

My sister who works in special education would say that the schools want the best for your kid. I say that I hope that they do but I am going to watch and make sure they do and prepare for battle if they don’t.

My son is very happy go lucky and enjoys whatever he is doing. Life is much simpler. He often tells me as I am stressing about something, “Don’t worry, be happy.” I definitely am not as easy going, and happy go lucky as he is, but he is moving me in the right direction. Who knows? Today I went to the Post Office in my slippers. I laughed all the way to the home.

Important points of book

1.    Each child is unique, cannot be raised by one set of given rules, especially the child with a disability

2.    As the child with a disability is growing and developing, the parents are learning they are in unchartered territory and are feeling their way through.

3.    They must learn to have realistic expectations by seeing the real child, not the child they want to see.

4.    If the parent is chronically disappointed about having a child with a disability, he has to get over it.

5.    Parents have to pay attention to the small successes, rather than focus heavily on the disability.

6.    As they focus on the child’s attributes, he or sheP will bring them joy and love the parents never expected.

Major theme of book for everyone-Stop trying to be perfect. Accept your faults and mistakes. They are the makings of a great life. There is no right or wrong path, only human ways to get through difficult times.

When Max was little, he would line up his Thomas the Tank engine trains instead of pushing them around the track. Keeping order is very important to someone with autism. Isn’t it a comforting feeling to put something in place, how you want it, knowing that when you return it will be exactly as you left it?

I think that when people would stare at my son as he was singing along loudly and enthusiastically, with the Bee Gees playing on the sound system (in the middle of a crowded store) , “Night Fever or Staying Alive”,  they were  wishing that they could sing along with as much joie de vivre, as my son, but were too scared to do so.

After the first day of his internship at the UCLA film school he told me that one of the guys that he worked with had the last name of Einstein. He wondered if he was related to Albert Einstein. The following week he called me excitedly saying indeed, he was related to Albert Einstein. Who would have ever thought about that connection? Many still, are not aware that Einstein might have had autism.

One morning I was dropping him off for high school and it started to rain. Getting out of the car, umbrella in hand, he started to walk towards the corner, just as the walk sign turned green. I laughed to myself knowing that he would run in his awkward fashion, and catch up with the last students that were crossing. As I looked back at him, my eyes filled with tears. He was one of the few students who had an umbrella. I watched as he ran up to two girls to share his umbrella. I could almost hear him say,” let me share my umbrella with you ladies.”

My son is “21” and I still research, and attend autism conferences, still looking for “that thing” that will make the difference for him.

When I run into a friend, and they ask me, “whatcha been up to”, I am often speechless. How do you explain to them why I’m trying to figure out why my 16 year old son has osteoporosis, or trying to find a doctor who will listen to me or not look at me as if I was an alien?

I am not sure what is politically correct anymore in the autism world. If I say he has autism there are parents and professionals that correct me and say no, he is autistic. Even if I get the “a” word right then another group of people want to define him even more by another label of high function autism, he is on the spectrum, developmentally delayed, PDD-NOS, and the list continues. What I do know is that, label or no label he is my son who I love him very much and the most important things in life I have learned from my son.

He loves the “Star Wars” movies, has watched them more than I care to count, probably knows more than George Lucas about them, and can repeat all of the lines from all six of the movies, word for word.

He carries an extension cord with him, in case the outlet that he needs for his ever present laptop is not close by.

When he, my daughter and I go to the beach to collect shells, armed with our bags to put our new treasures in, my daughter and I carefully examine each shell to be certain that it measures up to our criteria to be luckily chosen to be included in our collection. Usually, our bags are half filled as we are very selective, while my sons’ bag is quickly filled and I end up carrying his mountainous overflow as he thinks every shell is beautiful.

Often, now, when I think of him, tears of joy come to my eyes. Thinking about nothing particular, just him.

When he was in 1st grade, his teacher could not understand why he would tap the kid next to him on the shoulder and then when the kid would turn to see what he wanted, my son would have a big smile on his face but not say anything. My son did not know how to start a conversation but he knew he wanted a friend. Sometimes starting a conversation is hard. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone would smile more and talk less?

He admires Abraham Lincoln and he knows almost everything there is to know about him. He always gives me a big hug and a kiss when I see him or when we are saying goodbye. He thinks I am a great Mom. He enjoys just being together and doing nothing special. He is doesn’t have a list of should of, could of, would of. He is happy just being.

He makes me laugh. I worry that he doesn’t worry about the future. Sometimes, I think he is the lucky one. He is so much more than what people see on the outside. For if everyone was given the chance to look into his heart they would see a pure heart filled with love, peace, joy. I am so lucky he is my son. I use to wonder that when I see him in heaven will he have autism or will he be “normal”?  Now I wonder if he will still think I am a great Mom?