I just composed a speech that I will be delivering in November about how life’s challenges often become unexpected gifts for so many.  How do certain people endure terrible experiences like losing a child, a spouse or a parent, when they are too young to die? How do people survive emotionally from terrible accidents, especially if they are left unable to care for themselves? What about folks who are going through financial ruin, or terrible illnesses? What if your child has been diagnosed with a severe disability? How do some people survive and gain mastery over their lives, while others do not, and if so, why not ?   I’m sure some of you have known someone who has experienced extreme life events, yet they somehow survive and develop real mastery over their lives. The survivors I have known live day by day, and  embrace the fact that as long as they are alive, they will live to their fullest. Rather than feel cheated, they feel blessed as though they have been given a gift. The gift of life.

Their view of the world is to accept the situation with a fervent attitude to do the best they can, to rise to their potential, rather than to feel sorry for themselves and paralyzed by grief. Most are ordinary people who have found the strength to carry on.

I just finished a wonderful article written by Pema Chodron, a woman who turned to Buddhist beliefs late in life after a very painful divorce. I have included some of her thoughts that I found very helpful and hope it is helpful for those who are suffering tremendous challenges and who might be thinking they can’t survive through their trauma, or figure out how to get through it.

The title of her article is When Things Fall Apart.

“Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Nothing is the way we like to dream about.”

My favorite thing she said is “When things are shaky and nothing is working, we might realize we are on the verge of something. We can shut down and feel resentful, or we can touch in on that throbbing quality.There is definitely something tender and throbbing about groundlessness. It’s a kind of testing that spiritual warriors need to awaken their hearts.”

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. Healing comes from letting there be room for everything to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. We don’t know what’s really going to happen. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we really don’t know. When there’s big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It just may be the beginning of a great adventure.”

Greetings! I am Gayle Slate. It’s sunny southern California, and the hottest day here, with fires raging, yet I can’t believe that summer is almost over. I always feel sort of sad at the end of summer. Oh well, on with the blog!

As you may have noticed from looking at other parts of my website, I have written a book, “Dana’s Legacy, From Heartbreak to Healing – Strengthening Families of Children with Disabilities.” As the title suggests, the book is about my daughter, Dana, who was born with cerebral palsy and who died at 14. Readers tell me that it is very inspiring and would recommend it for anyone, whether they had a child with a disability or not.

The book is my story, and I’d love you to read it (maybe start with the free chapter I offer) It’s a good story that changes over time. In my blog, I want to expand this story to have dynamic and continuous dialogue with you . It will be focused on experiences of families and their children with disabilities. It will also be for anyone who is interested in some wisdom and insight on how to get through life’s challenges. I experienced plenty of shaky times myself, I had to figure things out, and I did, albeit clumsily!!

I recognized that life keeps happening, whether you want it to or not. As long as you are breathing, life will keep on moving and we are all swept up in it together. I went to school, therapists, and all kinds of professionals to learn THE ANSWER from them, and guess what? It was inside me all the time! I became a licensed marriage and family therapist and worked for over 35 years to help hundreds of distressed individuals, families and children find their answers, many found it, some did not. In any case, I have learned much from my clients as well.

Having just celebrated my birthday, I’ve once more reflected through the years and know that I experienced a fulfilling life and have experienced unexpected gifts that emerge just when you think you can’t go on. Having said that, I’m sure there are many of you who have gone through your own difficult times, experiences that I can’t even imagine, and made it through to better days. This is something we can all share together. I’m sure you would agree that most of us experience tough times in our lives, no matter what age you are. Doesn’t it make you wonder how some people can rise above their adversities while others do not? I’ll give you a clue—- We cannot be bound up forever in the damage, rather we have to discover the indestructible in ourselves. How do we do that? What do you think?

Right now, my blog is set up for bi-monthly Wednesdays, and if I can, I might intersperse some thoughts on other days, but I have to try it out and see what works. I will be sending you information, stories, personal histories, photos and even parts of my book that I think you might find interesting. I’m also thinking of inviting some of my friends to write on the blog as well. They always have something to say!!! I would like this to be interactive, so feel free to comment, even if you don’t agree with me. I don’t have to be right, only interested. I think that makes for thought provoking discussion, but please be nice. I will, I promise. Thanks, Gayle