Once exposed to pain, most of us can find our strength over time, but we seldom realize this initially. In learning to accept what we cannot change—for instance, the child with the disability who can’t be fixed—we ultimately must face ourselves. The healing comes from accepting this truth and the grief and misery that accompany it. Eventually, we accept the reality that we can’t control everything that happens. And with that acceptance comes a discovery: Not only are we not destroyed, but, in fact, we’re stronger.

No one passes through life without trauma or anguish. Turmoil is inescapable. And whether the crisis is loss of loved ones, ill health of family members, divorce or financial difficulties, the reactions are pretty similar: feelings of isolation, helplessness and depression. Yet we all have different styles of dealing with such trauma. Some take action to do something, anything, to keep feelings at bay. Others shut down, too petrified to move in any direction. Many come through their experiences wiser; others lose their way and become bitter.

The families with whom I’ve worked have taught me volumes about strength and endurance, about hope and dreams, about resiliency and never giving up. My hope is that by distilling some of the lessons I’ve learned, you’ll be able to minimize—but, I’m sure, not eliminate—the grief. And, it’s hoped,  you will find, sooner rather than later, the inner strength that will get you through any appalling experience.